A long lunch and relative weatlh

I met my neighbour HH at 11.00 and walked a short distance to a cafe we've decided we like, after trying a couple of others. We left at 1.00, so what did we talk about for two hours? Maybe one hour was on varied topics. 

She has a friend of a similar age to her who has been her friend since her early teenage years. The two families all know each other very well, including their respective children. Her friend and her friend's husband are rich, in my opinion. They own a house in an expensive beach side suburb, which has been named the skin cancer capital of Australia, or was it just Victoria. No matter, and they also own a holiday house in Portsea. Without elaborating, it is clear the wife, HH's life long friend is being mentally abused by her husband. She is never right. She hasn't dressed properly. Her hair is not done nicely. Her cooking skills are no longer up to scratch. She needs to be grateful that she has him to look after things for her. And, does she need to talk to HH almost every day on the phone. 

You've got the picture? If she challenges him, he throws his hands up in the air and then says, it is her fault for not getting things right. What is the modern term? I am thinking whiteanting, which kind of describes it. Is it ghosting? I'll remember it later (I did, gaslighting). But HH's friend puts up with it, for the sake of her grown up children and, I am sure, her own material comfort. 

Not thinking my own anecdotes would be of any help, I recounted some personal experiences of similar behaviour and HH suddenly became enlightened. I did not say so directly, but it is some kind of raw jealousy. There you go. You may be very rich, but that doesn't make you immune from spousal abuse, and mental abuse can really wear partners down over a long period. I expect EC is quite conversant with hearing this kind of stuff in her volunteer role. The best that can be said is that at least he is not physically violent. No reminder bruising for him to see the next day. 

That all sounds quite grim, but it was only a small part of what we talked about. About one hour was of exchanging tales of bureaucracy. HH's husband has severe dementia, is in care and no longer remembers her. So while not literally, she too has lost her life partner. Many things are in his name, and she constantly has to battle for her own identity. She had me shrieking with laughter heartily laughing at her attempt to get an appointment at her bank, with phones not being answered but promising a call return, that never happens. Her son who lives interstate generally manages her investments, shares and self managed super fund monies, but there are some things she has to do in person. "Son, I've found where the bank CEO is based. I am going to go there and demand to see him." "Mother, that is not a good idea". It is the duty of parents to embarrass their children, hey Debby. 

Her son asked HH if she used her landline anymore. She replied no. He told her to unplug it then cancel it. Over Facetime he told her what to turn off and what to unplug. Then he told her to cancel the phone service. She tried hard, with a number of calls, but it was the same story, the account was in her husband's name. At least I can produce Ray's death certificate. Her husband is still alive. She wondered why she was going to all this trouble for what was costing her $5 a month. Eventually, after being asked to send a selfie from her phone, she handed authority over to her son to deal with the matter. 

I know most of you are financially comfortable, and although I receive a part old age pension, I too consider myself financially comfortable. However, I am quite aware that is not all of you and I keep that in mind when writing blog posts. 

HH's friend who I earlier wrote about is very wealthy. When HH mentioned it cost $400,000 to get her husband into care, which I think is a bond, plus a daily cost, and if she needs to go into care, it will cost her $800,000, I realised she is very wealthy and beyond my league. 

"I want to leave money to my children". "HH, they are successful in their own right, they don't need the money. It is far better you turn on your heating and cooling when needed." 

I do understand her thinking as being a person who is cautious with money, as I have been. But one thing Ray and I never stinted on was heating and cooling in our homes. There is no need to heat or cool the spare bedroom, so I close the door in extreme temperatures, and I don't have settings turned to high levels, but I am going to continue to ensure my home is at a comfortable temperature.