Musing about life and death

Twenty seven months after Ray died, how do I feel and how is my grief level?

I still  think of Ray every day. We fell into a vey comfortable relationship in our older years, unlike our passionate and adventurous younger years. We did our own things, and joint things. He cooked meals, I washed clothes. Each of us would do our own thing at home, Ray watching tv and playing on his tablet, while I composed brilliant blog posts. You might say the perfect older couple, a well oiled machine. We knew our roles and what to expect from each other.

Along with buying a new car, our apartment which became my apartment is somewhat different inside, with many things updated, and more to do. I didn't try to erase memories at home, but it seems I have done so quite a bit.

After being together for forty five years, Ray's sudden death was a terrible shock, not just to me, but to everyone who knew him and loved him.

For some time after he died, I wondered if I was grieving in the correct way. Is there a correct way? There were plenty of teary moments in the first few months, and one could not foresee what would trigger them.

Ray died in April, at the time of the year where I had just changed to wearing winter long sleeved shirts. I decided after washing my shirts, I would not iron them, but just hang them carefully on hangers to dry. Ray used to iron my shirts. I became used to unironed shirts.

Come the warmer months, it was time to change to short sleeved summer shirts. Phyllis wasn't home. "Kosov, come and look". I proudly displayed my row of summer shirts to Kosov, ironed by Ray a week before he died, and then burst into a sobbing mess on Kosov's shoulder. What an interesting but unwanted experience for a young man. I apologised the next day, and the reply was, "No problem Onnndrew".

There has only been one moment since when I almost became teary, but I am living a new life, on my own now. I have full control over my life, more confidence because I'm doing on my what both of us used to do, and doing it well enough. Decisions I have made on my own have been good. 

There are so many things I want to tell Ray, but he has gone, and I guess I have adjusted to my life without him. 

Ray's sister is a nice looking woman, with medium length straight 'blonde' hair, slim and a stylish dresser in that northern English way. Her doctor has never prescribed her medication aside from an asthma inhaler. She smokes and drinks a lot, really a lot, and I've just realised she is about to turn 75. A month after Ray's 75th birthday he died.

Who of my current readers met Ray? Obviously occasional blog commenter, our friend Bunyip who we've known for decades, and of course the lovely Fun60 in London, who we met with three times.

As is said, time is a healer.  

Shiny things

I wrote a medium length personal post, but I am not happy with it, so I am holding it over.

I don't know about sport, but what a disgraceful shame it is when for a football (soccer) player receives a red card, must leave the field for the rest of the game and cannot play in the next game. Well that's a bugger for the US soccer team for it's next match. He is an important and skilled player.

It does however seem that FIFA boss Infantino is in an incestuous relationship with #47. The Orange McNugget gave Infantile a call and asked him to fix it, a lo and behold, it was fixed. Team USA will have its important player restored for the next US match.

What an absolute disgrace. Many have called FIFA a very corrupt institution and over the years, a lot of evidence has been gathered and presented, but has much exceeded this blatancy? Every competing team should be outraged by this, and I think diplomatic representations should be made. 

If any country wants to host the World Cup in the future, be careful what you citizens wish for.

Later edit: Well, Belgium certainly sorted the FIFA corruption out well and truly, with a score of 4 goals, 3 more than the US. I don't blame the US; it is FIFA that's the issue here. This book written by an Australia woman about FIFA corruption sounds interesting if football is your thing; Whatever It Takes - the inside story of the FIFA way.

To cheer up this glum post, look at this lovely car, I guess to be used by a wedding party, parked almost across the road at the Royce Hotel. Google says it is a 1949 Rolls Royce Silver Wraith. They don't make 'em like that anymore. 

Monday Mural

Sami posts a Monday Mural, as I mostly do, along with others.

Have I not shown this mural before? It doesn't seem like it and the photo was taken three years ago, with the work by Mike Makatron. I love it.

I'm not moving

Just to note about Friday Funnies, suicide is not funny, and I expect the late Sue who was a volunteer at the suicide prevention telephone service Life Line, would not have approved of of the post at all. Nor is it now funny to make fun of people with strong phobias. But having said that, I did think they were funny.

Diagonally across the intersection below me, The Muse apartment building is close to completion. I really like the interior finishes, which look restrained and classy, rather than opulent and gauche. Check out some interior photos here.

It seems to be only 3 and 4 bedroom apartments, and seems to be 1 bath room per bedroom, and 3 car parking spaces per apartment. At least one three bedroom apartment has four bathrooms! This so goes against the City of Melbourne's quest to reduce car parking spaces in buildings, or ban them altogether. 

There is no doubt it is a lavish building. Just the expense of the external landscaping is mind blowing. There are only 40 odd apartments in such a huge pair of buildings. That doesn't sound like increasing the population near public transport hubs, another current government ideal. 

A neighbour told me the 3 bedroom apartments, some even have 4 bathrooms for 3 bedrooms, are smaller in size than ours, that is my own 3 bedroom apartment. 

Prices start at AU$4.1 million, US$2.8, €2.48, GB£2.1, and for a penthouse around AU$10 million. Where does this filthy wealth come from?

But oh, the two car park exits. They will take forever to get anywhere. From the Toorak Road exit to travel in the opposite direction along Toorak Road will take five to ten minutes. To travel towards the city from the St Kilda Road exit will take just as long, as they move from the service road to the centre lanes, and then u turn at traffic lights. In a location where there is good public transport, trams will be a much better option for a local trip, but of course rich people despise public transport used by the great unwashed.

Here are a few photos, the first of the exterior I've already shown you.

This being of what was unveiled last week, taken from my cheap seats balcony. Two pools with a different colours. It could be wall and floors of the pool are different colours, but I'd like to think one is fresh water pool and one is a salt water pool. Or maybe one is for laps and one is for leisure, and grand child friendly. 

Lovely birch trees, and there are a lot of water features nearby, yet to flow.

I should know the name of these trees are. AI told me the wrong address of the property and was not helpful with tree identification. I am now thinking they may be golden ash. Nice.

This is not the main entrance, the main being in St Kilda Road, and much grander than the Toorak Road entrance, along with being set back from the street. I could have taken a photo of the main entrance but I would expect a guard to appear if I stepped across a threshold. 

I am not sure of the purpose of this small area.

From Toorak Road looking down to the main entrance and foyer.

Bad Bunnings

In blog posts I refer to it as the big green shed. In reality it's the Bunnings hardware chain. It has pretty well killed small local hardware stores because the sheer number of products it has in its very large stores.

There is no problem visiting Bunnings if you are in a motor car, but if you visit Bunnings in West Footscray by foot, it is dreadful. I visited the store yesterday by train for the second time, the store being right next to West Footscray Station. I stopped off at Footscray for a bite to eat and coffee. 

The store is easier to visit by public transport than my local Bunnings in Port Melbourne. Last visit to the store, I ended up walking through the underground carpark to enter the store. This time, I was determined to find the main entrance. I did find an entrance from street level, but as I walked towards the sensor triggered electric doors, as I guessed they did not open.

The only way to enter was via the carpark. There weren't any indicators to pedestrians of where to enter the building. I looked at where people were moving in the vast carpark and worked out that those very distant figures were headed to the entrance, with a travelator to take you up to the store. 

As I said, the car  park is vast and was far from full, so cars travel very fast in the carpark. There aren't marked walkways for pedestrians.

The store has a railway station across the street, three bus routes with a stop near the station and there is lots of housing nearby, yet without a pedestrian entrance.

To not have a pedestrian street entrance is a disgrace, let alone one near passing public transport stops and the station and I am not sure how this was allowed. Did the local council, City of Maribyrnong,  approve of this when the Bunnings store plan was presented?

Happy fourth of July to my US readers.

Friday Funnies

I found these funny and maybe you will too. 

If you are a regular public transport user of rail, you will know the nightmare of rail replacement buses. It's the conclusion of this short one that makes it brutally funny.

This longer one made me laugh too.

LGBTIQ

There are some things in the world I am not meant to understand. 

I am now up to Q in LGBTIQ. Q really keeps you guessing about someone, which I kind of like. If they are male, are they available to guys? Yes, I know more letters have been added. I saw the following on BBC, so it must be true. 

I don't understand a male transitioning to female and he/she has become a lesbian. Isn't that a full circle? I suppose if you pull it apart, he was a straight man who wanted to be a woman, and now he is a she, she still has the desires she always had as a straight man, that is for women. I'm pleased to have clarified that for you all.

It was so much simpler when it was just girls doing what they do together and guys doing what they do.