Bumping another car

I once had a bit of an inappropriate laugh when I read in the online Fiji Live electric newspaper that someone in Fiji was killed after two cars bumped together. 

Aside from the important King Street thoroughfare, motor cars have been strongly restricted within the bounds of Melbourne's Central Business District boundaries. It is fair to say it is a nightmare to drive within the city boundaries and that is how it should be. The area is abundantly served by trains, trams and buses. Most Melbournians are spoilt for choice to get to town by public transport, even more so when the new underground train line soon opens. Some of course will have to catch a bus or drive to their nearest railway station. 

Within the city the speed limit is 40 km/h, 25 mph and there are cameras to check your speed, quite a few of them. The fines are high, as is the demerit points against your driving licence. 

I expect this figure may apply to 2023. 'Research by Monash University found the crash rate was down 46% and bike traffic up by 22% in the CBD'. This is primarily the result of the speed limit being reduced and proper protected bike lanes. 

Also the speed limit in the small streets with lots of pedestrians has been reduced to 20 km/h, 12 mph.

So crashes within the CBD are down by nearly half. The statistics don't lie. 

I think mostly related to a lot more traffic after the lifting of Covid travel restrictions, in 2023 the Australian road toll rose by 7.3%. Comparing my experience of driving and observations in England, Australian drivers are quite bad. By my calculations, and I am notorious for getting simple arithmetic wrong, our road deaths per million figure is 48. That isn't great by world standards. 

But not as bad as some first world countries. Australia would be coloured the light green colour. For someone who knows more about American demographics than I do, what is it about the dark and red states with very high death rates? Poor states? #45 voters? Gun toting? 

West Gate Park

I've posted about my walk around part of Westgate Park already. This is the other post about the walking around the two lakes. 

The lakes are next to one another but the first is a freshwater lake. The walk around the second lake is around the salt water lake. It's a bit harder to walk around as there isn't really a circular route around the lake bank but with a diversion alongside a factory, I did circle it. 

One rather interesting aspect to the walk that there was a number a lot of men alone walking around the lake. At one point the path takes you in a bush area. Unlike when I was younger, none made eye contact with me. Someone of my age doesn't interest them and nor does someone my age interest me. I get that. It's interesting that not every man wants to meet someone with an app based hook up. 

The noise from the Westgate Bridge over the Yarra River could certainly be heard but it didn't seem to intrude.  

Not a Dutch or English style windmill, but an Australian windmill, used to pump ground water into tanks, and often water troughs for cattle and sheep. 

I never knew rocks grow on trees. 

Looking towards the city. 

I thought there was something wrong with this bedraggled bird. It is a seagull of a type and a juvenile, as the world wide web told me. I concluded it was fine. 

Taking advantage

I bought Ray a tooth brush for his birthday three years ago. It cost a good bit.

Ray bought a toothbrush for me for my last birthday. I found it hard to justify the cost of a similar model to his. Prices had risen so much. Mine didn't cost Ray too much. Once in service I discovered it didn't even have a light to indicate when it was charging and when it was fully charged. It did the job of teeth cleaning and its charge would last at least a week. Well, Ray has no need of his toothbrush now, and with compatible brush heads, I swapped mine for Ray's bells and whistle toothbrush. It is also more powerful than my mine. Much more. 

My deodorant ran out yesterday. I use a roll on, Ray used a stick. I am now using his stick.

My toothpaste also ran out at the same time. I am using up Ray's toothpaste, with a different flavour. 

I can't remember why he had two sets of ear buds, both white. One was for his bedroom tv but I am not sure what the second pair was for. My ear buds are fine, but they are black and not the fashionable white that most people have. I've not done it yet, but I will tune his earbuds into my devices and so look much younger and hip. Non?

Ray is a size bigger than I am so I can't use his clothes. His underwear would be too big for me, but sock size is much the same. Bingo. 

I use a combined shampoo conditioner but Ray had a rather posh looking shampoo and a separate conditioner. Bingo.

Ah, my water bottle stands out. Ray's is shorter and fits under the bench overhang. I am now using his. 

I am working my way through Ray's bottles of wine. This is fun. 

C'mon. A grieving widower still has to be practical. 

Ray's death certificate arrived by post yesterday. So many institutions need to see copies of the certificate.

I will collect his ashes later today. Some will go to his closest in age sister in England and the rest I will keep here, and they can be mixed with mine to be sprinkled somewhere.

A Dineamic meal tonight, Free Range Maple Pork. A bit too salty for my taste, but quite nice and no need to use the oven. It is heated in the microwave. The broccoli was not overcooked at all. I've bought four meals, so can the bombardment of internet ads please stop. Thanks Kylie.  

Monday Mural

I'm joining with Sami and others for Monday Murals.

I saw this mural as I passed by in a tram. If your travel one way by tram, you have to return to get home, so I was prepared on the return journey to take this snap. It's nothing too wonderful but my eyes are certainly drawn towards the lion.   

Quandary and memories

This post will be all over the place, just as I am all over the place.

I'm vacillating about going ahead with the carpet and painting. While our carpet is hardly that bad, and nor is the paintwork, it looks very dated. I dunno. It was a hard decision to make when Ray and I decided to go ahead. I'd gee him up with practical details about how it would all work. Of course you can do it hon. You're not even on a walker yet. For his age, he was relatively fit.

Aside from my sobbing and crying with Jo one night. I don't think I'm grieving in the way society expects. I carry on with my life as it was but without Ray. At times my voice cracks or my eyes well, but that is usually when I speaking to someone. 

I had some good Aussie tucker tonight for dinner, Katrina's Kitchen's sweet and sour chicken. I wondered if there was rice in the meal, and there was plenty. It was so bland, but quite edible. I need to use up the frozen meat in the fridge, so I will cook some more over time. 

I posted locks of Ray's fabulous hair to his sisters in England yesterday. I have a lock for myself. Hairdresser Friend has a lock, and there are two more, one for Sister and one for Ex Sis in Law. 

Last night I caught a DiDi to the Elsternwick Hotel for dinner with our Brighton Antique Dealer friend, her toyboy and our Hair Dresser Friend. It was a nice evening, though it was hard to tell BAD about the night when Ray died. While the hotel is on a convenient tram route from here, there is track replacement happening, so a tram, bus, tram to get there. I wanted to be there on time and as a first time user, I had a $15 credit. The DiDi trip was fine. I last heard DiDi has nearly 30% of the market here, with Uber having the rest. Uber failed me once and even last night I tried to book an Uber as a backup for DiDi, and then cancel it, but its app was so terribly slow...non functional really. I caught the tram/bus/tram home and it worked well. Easiest would have to take the car, but then why go to a pub if you can't have a drink. Ray used to drive at night. 

Today I visited Kerferd Road Pier to see some art works along the pier. I bought a cup of coffee and I ate my supermarket bought sandwich, sitting on the seat where we both used to sit, looking over the water. There are so many things Ray would never have done on his own, I dragged him to them. 'Hon, new pier at Altona Beach'. 'Art work on the Kerferd Road pier'. 'Best bahn mi in Smith Street, Collingwood'. 'New art exhibition at the City Gallery'. He would readily agree but none were things he would have ever thought of doing alone. I think he liked that I extended his horizons. I think he liked that I encouraged him to self education when he was younger. I think he liked that I would tell him about a book and tell him he must read it, and he would.

He was not an intellectual person, and neither am I really, but he did have a curiosity about higher culture that I liked. He was a people person. While I thought I remember you saying this two minutes ago and why are you repeating now and you are saying twice again, he would just keep chatting on in a warm and friendly manner. I never got a look in but that's because I'm not chatty like he was. 

He could get it wrong though. He said something nasty to a young Asian woman as she left our lift and had breached some kind of lift etiquette. Later he said to me, I shouldn't have said that should I. No hon, old white men should not try to exercise power over young Asian women. 

Ray certainly wasn't a saint. He could have terrible mood swings. It got to the stage where I could read when one was coming in his face. I knew to not say very much but basic replies. He could find offence from someone that I could not. Bar my two brothers, he found fault with every older family members, and some younger too. 

He could certainly find a lot of faults in me and did not hold back on telling me about them.

Nevertheless, we had passionate sex when we were younger. Over 44 years we loved, we argued, we fought, we agreed, we laughed, we enjoyed, we travelled, we faced deaths of family and friends, we supported each other through thick and thin.

It must be about six years ago when R had to go to hospital for a possible stent heart surgery. It was decided he did not need such surgery. As he left to catch a tram to the hospital, I burst into tears. He gave me a reassuring hug and later that day I picked him up in the car from the hospital. I thought he might die.

In the last few years, he became very anxious about everything, at times overwhelming logic. I don't think I've ever been late anywhere, but at times it might have been a close call. He would always want to be so early to get to an airport or to attend any kind of appointment. He could find anxiety where there was none. He readily expressed about his anxiety levels and apologised for them. "Sorry, I'm just being anxious". 

The average age of male death in Australia is now about 83. I really feel robbed that the very functioning Ray was taken from me at the age of 75. All the things we planned to do are mist.

I cannot imagine the person I would have been without Ray. 

Writing is my therapy. My eyes are wet and my nose snotty after writing this. I'm not going to check for typos. Raw writing it is. Oh, how I miss him.