ANZAC night life changing

I will write in the future of the aftermath but here is the timeline of the night and what happened. It really helps me to write. 

We had a nice Anzac Day together. Most shops were closed until 1pm in respect for the day so we just crossed the road to a cafe that was doing very good trade with people returning home after the dawn service and later the march. I can't remember what we chose to eat, no matter.

In the afternoon, Ray retired to his room to watch his favourite tv shows on his bedroom tv and have his nanna nap. I think I went out for a walk and then spent some time on this device.

5.45 Ray set the dinner table and put the ingredients out on the kitchen bench for dinner. It was to be high quality fish fingers, chips and coleslaw he would make himself. 

5.58 Ray poured himself a glass of wine and sat in his lounge chair to watch the commercial tv's six o'clock news.

6.02 He walked past the back of my computer chair where I was sitting and made a couple of strange noises as he headed to his bedroom. I thought I would finish what I was doing online and see if he was ok.

6.03 He called out my name. What's wrong hon? Terrible stomach pain. I feel like I am dying. I checked his pulse, seemed ok. No temperature on his forehead. His breathing was a bit fast, a bit panting. I asked him if he wanted an ambulance and he replied, not sure. Two minutes later he asked me to call an ambulance, which I immediately did. The emergency call person told me an ambulance was on its way and handed me over to someone else who sent me a link to my phone and said to just click on it and it would automatically work if I clicked accept voice and camera. Visually by my phone he checked Ray's breathing rate and how unwell he looked. 

6.20 Ambulance arrived and called via the intercom. The silly thing I remember is that they were both name Nick. The pain in Ray's stomach was terrible and he was becoming more distressed. The paras hooked him up to portable machines and while his heart rate was ok, his blood pressure was very low. They gave him a strong pain killer injection but it didn't seem to relieve him much. The paras asked me to gather up his medications, phone, and his Medicare card.

6.30 At a second attempt after he fell back onto the bed in such pain at the first attempt, they managed to get Ray into a wheelchair to take him down to the ambulance. He was still so distressed and it was awful to see. I asked if he wanted me to come with him and he said no. He had his phone with him and I said I will await a call from the hospital.  

6.45 Ray was at emergency at the hospital. 

I thought I would call the hospital at 10pm. 

9.30 Ray called. I've had a CT scan and there is something not right in my stomach. I'm waiting for the doctor to come and speak to me. I'm still in some pain but I don't feel too bad. I replied, so I can have a drink now, as you won't need me tonight. No, you have a drink and have a good night's sleep. Ok, I'll pack a bag for you and come in early tomorrow morning. 

I had a couple of drinks and I was in bed before 11pm. I then did the most stupid thing. I forgot to take my phone to bed and put it on charge. I rarely do that. I can only think I was stressed and worried. But really, how did I do that when Ray was in hospital? 

1.00am Eventually the intercom ring penetrated my sleeping brain. Straight away I knew this was not a good thing. I answered to see two police officers and one said, you're not in trouble Mr Andrew but can we come up to speak to you. As I opened the apartment door, I said to them, 'This is not going to be good news is it?'. 'No Mr Andrew, is isn't. Ray has died. In your own time, we can take you to The Alfred to see him'. I checked my phone and saw the 11.45 call from the hospital. I dressed and I called the hospital and I think got quickly through to A&E. They told me to enter using the main entrance. I relayed this to the police. They suggested I call someone to tell them what had happened and to get support. I can't remember if I did but everyone would have been asleep anyway.  

I dressed and got myself organised and with the cops, went down in the lift. They said, 'We are sure you don't want to be seen getting in and out of a divvy van, so we have a car here to take you. 

The hospital staff were lovely. The doctor told me what had happened. He had a severe aorta bleed, the aorta being the large artery that carries blood to or from the heart. Think of it as a bulge in bicycle tube, a weak spot, and it bursts. There is only a 20% survival rate. The blood pools in the abdomen, hence the stomach pain Ray suffered. While doctors poured blood into him, it was too late and he slipped into an unconscious state and then died from blood loss. 

Ray was in a room, and most tubes and wires had been removed bar the intubation tube down his throat. He looked peaceful. His face had cooled but his covered over body was still very warm. I spent about 15 minutes with him and just walked out of the hospital unnoticed. I almost reached St Kilda Road for 1.5 kilometre walk home and remembered I had forgotten to pick up Ray's personal effects, mostly a shirt, his medications and his phone. 

I returned to the hospital emergency and told someone at the desk about the matter. A nurse came and said, I'll get them for you and asked if I wanted Ray's wedding ring too. It isn't a wedding ring but I did want it. He brought them out and then asked where I lived as he put his hand on my shoulder in comfort. I told him and he asked how I was getting home. He said, you can't do that. I'll call you a cab and give you a taxi voucher There was one button in the waiting area to press to get a cab, which duly arrived.

"How's your night been" chirped the taxi driver. "Not great. My partner of 44 years has just suddenly died." "So sorry. I'm sure she was lovely". He was foreign born and I don't blame him for making assumptions. I must seem quite masculine, hey. But assumptions about my partner's gender kept coming from professional people who should be trained at how to use neutral language until the sex of the person being discussed is known. There will be more about that in the aftermath post.

It was daytime in England of course, so I called Ray's closest sister who was on holiday in Spain. After telling her what had happened, I did ask if she was having a nice holiday. She replied, "I was until you called".

Ray's two other sisters called shortly after. At 4am I went to bed and decided since I was on my own, I would leave my bedroom door open and so heard the clock strike five. I slept until about 6.30.

I've cropped me out of this photo I used on FB with some words, concluding with "22/03/49 - 25/04/24.

This is the last photo of us together, Sydney, March, 2024 and what a great day we had. Who would of thought..."