I bought Ray a tooth brush for his birthday three years ago. It cost a good bit.
Ray bought a toothbrush for me for my last birthday. I found it hard to justify the cost of a similar model to his. Prices had risen so much. Mine didn't cost Ray too much. Once in service I discovered it didn't even have a light to indicate when it was charging and when it was fully charged. It did the job of teeth cleaning and its charge would last at least a week. Well, Ray has no need of his toothbrush now, and with compatible brush heads, I swapped mine for Ray's bells and whistle toothbrush. It is also more powerful than my mine. Much more.
My deodorant ran out yesterday. I use a roll on, Ray used a stick. I am now using his stick.
My toothpaste also ran out at the same time. I am using up Ray's toothpaste, with a different flavour.
I can't remember why he had two sets of ear buds, both white. One was for his bedroom tv but I am not sure what the second pair was for. My ear buds are fine, but they are black and not the fashionable white that most people have. I've not done it yet, but I will tune his earbuds into my devices and so look much younger and hip. Non?
Ray is a size bigger than I am so I can't use his clothes. His underwear would be too big for me, but sock size is much the same. Bingo.
I use a combined shampoo conditioner but Ray had a rather posh looking shampoo and a separate conditioner. Bingo.
Ah, my water bottle stands out. Ray's is shorter and fits under the bench overhang. I am now using his.
I am working my way through Ray's bottles of wine. This is fun.
C'mon. A grieving widower still has to be practical.
Ray's death certificate arrived by post yesterday. So many institutions need to see copies of the certificate.
I will collect his ashes later today. Some will go to his closest in age sister in England and the rest I will keep here, and they can be mixed with mine to be sprinkled somewhere.
A Dineamic meal tonight, Free Range Maple Pork. A bit too salty for my taste, but quite nice and no need to use the oven. It is heated in the microwave. The broccoli was not overcooked at all. I've bought four meals, so can the bombardment of internet ads please stop. Thanks Kylie.
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Good to hear you are keeping him close. He will never be far from your thoughts if you use his toothbrush and water bottle.
ReplyDeletePlenty of him remains in my life Marie.
DeleteYou do indeed need to be practical. I was amazed at just how many institutions want to see copies (and often certified copies) of death certificates. I am so glad that Kylie's suggestion for meals is working out for you. Enjoy that wine.
ReplyDeleteEC, yes I have learnt about certified copies and I forget where, wants a twice certified copy.
DeleteClothes are funny, aren't they? Size counts, but so does colour, age, style and condition. I still get lots of pleasure wearing my mum's lovely hats and handbags today!
ReplyDeleteThat's nice Hels.
DeleteIt all sounds very practical and sensible to me. I imagine it could also feel quite comforting too in a way.
ReplyDeleteWe paid around £10 per official copy of my father in law's death certificate to send off to all the various institutions only to discover that each one just photocopied their copy and sent it back. We could have saved all that money and just got one and used it for all of them.
JayCee, once a copy, printed at home is certified, it seems it is accepted everywhere. Probably the same in your case by the sound of it.
DeleteIt's amazing how many institutions turn out to want original copies of the death certificate, even when they seemed to lead a simple life. Some turned out to be willing to see an emailed image, but several wanted and kept, the original.
ReplyDeleteI think you're wise to adopt some of Ray's thing's. It's comforting and practical at the same time.
Boud, most institutions seem happy to accept a certified copy. That is after a person in various respected professions has sighted the original and signed a copy to that effect. No way is anyone taking the original from me.
DeleteMight as well use Ray's things. Otherwise, they go to waste and that does nobody any good. And you certainly don't want to dump wine down the drain.
ReplyDeleteYes, Kirk, one must be practical. The wine goes down the drain one way or the other. It is going down drain after being filtered.
DeleteI found this such a sad post, but Ray would no doubt be pleased you are able to use his things. I would find myself wanting to ask if it's all right. When I've lost someone close, I think of things I want to say next time I see them. It takes a long time to go.
ReplyDeleteTasker, it did feel like that. Is is ok if I use your...? I really wanted to talk to Ray after he died about how much love for him was shown after he died. Maybe he knows. I think I am ok, then someone asks where is Ray. It's hard to contain my emotions at such times, but I am in public, so I do.
DeleteThe old apartment in Taipei still reminds me of Dad as soon as I walked into it. Good to treasure memories
ReplyDeleteThat's nice Roentare.
DeleteI think it's nice you're using his things; keeps him close a while longer and that's nice.
ReplyDeleteBob, I'll use up what I can, but many things of his will remain.
DeleteAll perfectly good ways of keeping Ray close. I would be wearing the oversized clothes around the house when in need of a hug. I imagine he would be appalled if you didn't make good use of the wine.
ReplyDeleteMerlot, he would be very surprised if he knew that I didn't drink the wine. There is half a bottle of prosecco which I don't like, and ditto to a bit of pink gin. There's some vodka to savour.
DeleteOf course you can use Ray's clothes! When you wear them people will compliment you on losing weight and looking great! I'm glad you are making use of anything and everything.
ReplyDeleteOr maybe River, I will look like a poor homeless person in donated clothing.
DeleteI agree on not saying goodbye to anything ‘useable’. Giving a little toast to Ray each evening will be a way of keeping in touch and you won’t have the dilemma of wondering who to give the wine to.
ReplyDeleteClothes are another thing altogether - living in small town my mother wouldn’t donate dad’s (useable) clothes to a local charity shop because she didn’t want to come upon anyone wearing them. They were taken to one in a larger town about 30km away.
Cathy, no way would I give anything away that I can use.
DeleteI get your mother's thinking. Aside from his clothes that will be sent to England to make Teddy bears, the rest will go to charity shops.
By using what you can of Ray's it saves wasting those things.
ReplyDeleteWhen you take copies of the death certificate take the original as many institutions will not accept a copy I found, but always get the original back before you leave the establishment. (I presume that still applies.)
Margaret, yes I learnt that today from the internet. And what the certifying person must write.
DeleteWell, he lives on through the things he had that you can use.
ReplyDeleteOh yes Strayer. I think of him every time I use something of his.
DeleteI have "inherited"so many things over the years when people have given me their junk, moved house, gone into aged care etc.
ReplyDeleteSometimes you didn't know how much you needed the thing until it was there begging to be used.
Did you have a funeral? I dont remember you mentioning it
I can imagine Kylie. I needed nothing of my mother's when she died last year. My sister took a few things.
DeleteNo, Ray did not want a funeral.
You seem to cope well, I find certification a bore, but necessary of course. I like the way you sift through Ray's stuff, making it your own.
ReplyDeleteMy probably most precious thing garnered is the brush used to sweep out the coffee grounds from the coffee bean grinder. It reminds me of coffee for two every morning.
That's such a left field but cute memory Thelma, a coffee grounds sweeper.
DeleteSorting takes a long time. Adjusting takes even longer. Enjoy the wine and make a toast with every glass.
ReplyDeleteJB, yes, yes and I do.
DeleteA nice to way to keep Ray close. I am sure there will be some that are useful.
ReplyDeletePradeep, there are so many things I will keep that will be never used by me. But they are part of our home.
DeleteWhen the heart's memory is working on remembering love, life is engaged to the soul. Peace and Blessings
ReplyDeleteThat's nice.
DeleteThis all makes good practical sense and it's nice that you are enjoying some of Ray's things.
ReplyDeleteMy husband has said he doesn't want a funeral........I've been resisting that idea strongly........maybe I should think again........I guess it's his choice to make?
Alison in Wales x
Alison, it is practical but I think it does give some closure. People's idea change in time too. I hope it is a good while away yet for you.
DeleteA toast with each glass of wine sounds like the way to go for me, Andrew. And using things that are suitable keeps a connection going. A nice thing.
ReplyDeletePat, a toast is a nice thing to do.
DeleteThere is nothing wrong with practicality. In fact I think it's admirable.
ReplyDeleteThanks Steve.
DeleteI loved this post. Glad Ray's things are coming in handy, especially the tooth brush and wine;)
ReplyDeleteSandra sandracox.blogspot.com
Thanks Sandra. Got to be practical.
DeleteI remember the death certificates which I had to send everywhere, sometimes I ask myself from where I took the strength to do all that. Clothes I gave to the poor and some T-shirts I kept for me to wear them as pajama. But it took me 6 month before I could open the two suitcases with his belongings. They stood in his room and each time I told myself "tomorrow" !
ReplyDeleteGattina, tomorrow is what I am doing now. It can wait.
DeletePractical sorting and grieving. I need to decide what to do with my ashes.
ReplyDeleteTP, there can always be kept and then mixed for later scattering or whatever.
DeleteI am of the practical mindset myself. When my mom passed she had a soap I loved but rarely bought for myself. I brought that soap home and it was a little tug when I opened the last bar.
ReplyDeleteI love the idea of the ashes. You know, my aunt and her daughter in-law fought bitterly over her son's ashes. I know it was a sad time, but the anger made things even worse. It echoes even today.
That is sad about the ashes. I guess both wanted them but why not divide them? There are a lot of ashes.
DeleteHey, that all works for me, especially the wine!
ReplyDeleteLol Jackie. It seems it has all gone now, aside from a good bottle of white and red to take out to a BYO restaurant. I'll save those for guests.
ReplyDeleteThat's interesting that you have BYO restaurants. Some of our newer spaces have DORA, which means 'designated outdoor recreation areas'. I've not ventured to one as we seldom go out but understand one must purchase a certain pass allowing adult beverages to be enjoyed outside place to place in those spaces.
ReplyDeleteFunny enough, I rarely buy Dawn dish soap but found a sale and always remember my mother bringing it to a seaside condominium many long years ago. Ah, memories. Be well!
That's an interesting way to have an outdoor area for drinking.
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