Whichever day it is for you, as I type this it is Thursday the 25th of July, three months after Ray died. While I wish he lasted many more years, and his quick death was a terrible shock to everyone and life changing for me, I am glad his suffering was only some stomach pain for a few hours.
Just in March, here he was in a photo taken by me holding a bunch of flowers sent by his sisters in England for 75th birthday. To me he doesn't look like someone who would die a month later.
I have another melanoma, caught very early by my skin cancer expert doctor. Even so, it still means surgery, and a skin graft will be taken from my thigh. I don't even need a full anaesthetic. The worst thing is I won't be able to wet my scalp for around 12 weeks. I expect surgery will be soon as melanomas are taken very seriously by our public health system.
The painters invaded my living, dining, kitchen and desktop computer area today. They are so considerate and made the best of it as they could for me but until they left, I had no access to my desktop or kitchen.
I went off for shopping in the car and the painters suggested that was a good idea because they will be using oil paint and the smell will be bad.
I didn't want a pepper steak pie, nor famous South Melbourne Market dim sims, nor a bacon and egg muffin. I bought a curried egg sandwich at the supermarket and headed to the beach where I found one place selling coffee open on a a grey and rainy day. I moved on to an area where I knew I could eat my sandwich and coffee, under shelter from the light rain and stare out to sea, as old people do. The only activity on the beach was one couple walking along the firm sand, she with an umbrella. A couple of freighters were on the sea horizon, awaiting for orders I suppose. Yes, today I had a case of the sads, or the blues.
The night before I tried to buy a product online. The postage cost was two thirds of the cost of the product. Fuck off. I also tried Airbnb to book a night or two of accommodation to attend the fifth birthday celebration of a great niece. I found a nice enough place at a reasonable price but Airbnb wanted me to upload a face photo. Again, fuck off. I could stay at Sister's but I don't want to unless I'm invited. So, it will be a day trip.
But there is always good news. The daughter of Ex Sis in Law's husband is pregnant with her second child. She miscarried last year, and this time she has passed the first trimester. Much happiness and fingers crossed. She and her hot husband are great parents to their two year old daughter.
My home will never be the same again, and the dust, oh the dust.
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Sad day. And it looks as if the weather didn't help. The upcoming birth helps to right the balance a bit.
ReplyDeleteYou'll be so happy when the painters have finished and moved out.
Boud, I will be happy when they move on, however then carpet gets laid but that will only be 1 1/2 days.
DeleteHugs. I am so glad you got some good news on an otherwise difficult day.
ReplyDeleteEC, the good news helps.
DeleteThat is such a happy photo of your Ray. A lovely reminder that you both shared good times.
ReplyDeleteLuckily your melanoma is going to be removed quickly. Mine was diagnosed and cut out within a matter of weeks, for which I am very thankful.
A new baby in the family .. a cause for joy and celebration. Hope all goes well.
JayCee, in two weeks time, I found out today. That's about five weeks since I visited the GP. Not bad for our public health system.
DeleteThat photo of Ray brought tears to my eyes. What a radiant smile. Best wishes on yet another surgery; I cannot imagine being unable to wet my scalp for twelve weeks, let alone enduring a skin graft. ~shudder~ I'm sending calm and healing vibes to your heart, health, and home.
ReplyDeleteThanks Darla. I will have to investigate dry shampoo.
DeleteLovely photograph of Ray - what a super smile.
ReplyDeleteI hope your melanoma is soon excised.
New life is always exciting and invigorating - life goes on.
JB, while the couple are a distant connection, they still are part of the extended family and they both came to Ray's memorial.
DeleteRay has a charming smile. Your post hit me very hard. It is so hard to form bonds with people and then sudden departure creates that devastating loss.
ReplyDeleteRoentare, it is hard at times but many have experieced a loss like mine and they will really understand the mixed feelings brought forth.
DeleteThanks for sharing you continuing journey of missing Ray. The moments that occur that remind you about Ray are what life's about. The moments small and large are reminders of the times that were shared, discussed and cussed.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Kent. You speak the truth.
DeleteRay looks happy, and, yes, in a way, it's a blessing when someone goes quickly. I know it's easier on them, and in the long run easier on us. Glad you have some great photos to look back on and smile about.
ReplyDeleteBob, I think I have convinced myself of what you say, I think. Thanks.
DeleteWhew on catching the melanoma early. Toes crossed (fingers firmly on the keyboard) everything goes smoothly with the surgery. That is such a grand picture of Ray. Don't you hate it when your home is in transition? We've got painters coming too. YOU take special care.
ReplyDeleteSandra sandracox.blogspot.com
Sandra, yes, it was good to for the melanoma to be caught early, but I really don't want anymore. Yes, I have so many photos of Ray smiling, and he did a lot. I feel for you with painters coming, but it is temporary.
DeleteSuch a winning smile Ray has.
ReplyDeleteHe did Kirk and as one neighbour described it, seeing him in the lift when it arrived was like a burst of sunshine.
DeleteThe circle of life indeed. Though I admit to a tear seeing Ray in his happiness not too long ago.
ReplyDeleteYour place is a nightmare. Temporarily.
XO
WWW
Temporarily WWW is what I tell myself. I've taken photos of how how the large shelving unit was arranged. Ray had an artistic eye for arranging things. I don't. But I will also get rid of somethings. It's a bit overcrowded.
DeleteLosing a loved one is always heartbreaking. Gaining a new baby on the family is life enhancing.
ReplyDeleteFor you and I both, Hels. Babies are great and are the future, but I miss my past.
DeleteWow. Amazing that it has been 3 months already. That is a wonder picture of Ray. I am sorry it was a sad day.
ReplyDeleteDebby, today was much better, with bright sunshine. Thank you.
Delete*wonderful
ReplyDeleteRay certainly looks healthy enough in that photo. It's understandable to have a case of the sads, sometimes looking at the ocean helps.
ReplyDeleteTry ordering anything from ebay from America, the postage costs will astonish you!! They really are ridiculously high.
You have a little gnome in your kitchen :)
River, I think there is a lot of profiteering with postage costs. I ordered a new battery for the stick vacuum cleaner and the heavy battery postage cost was $3.50, which shows how cheap postage can be. Now I am wondering where the gnome came from. My youngest brother or my sister. Not sure.
DeleteI see you've picked up the "herbal" spammer.
ReplyDeleteIndeed River, and you earlier comment went to spam.
DeleteWhat a wonderful photo of Ray, he looks as happy as can be.
ReplyDeleteGosh you have got a mess to clean up or the cleaners have but certainly will be worth it.
Nothing like a good old sandwich.
Thanks Margaret. I think it will be down to me to clean up. There is no rush....I tell myself.
DeleteLove that photo of Ray. Good to take yourself offand enjoy the good memories.
ReplyDeleteIt is a nice one Fun60. It is such a genuine smile. I love the selfie one you took of the three of us in York.
DeleteCheer up. Lovely photo of your partner Ray with his bouquet of flowers and your apartment will once more regain its pristine appearance soon. And best of luck with the surgery.
ReplyDeleteI have cheered up Thelma. I hope it does end up pristine and I know it will. It will just take time.
Deleteyou have packed so much into this post, it's hard to know what to comment on :)
ReplyDeleteI eat used to think I'd never get sick of eating out but the last few years I have eaten at a local pub rather a lot: with work friends, church friends and my parents. Sometimes I just wish I could have a sandwich or soup. All that to say I heartily approve of the supermarket sanger.
Ray died so quickly and so suddenly, three months is no time to come to terms with such a shock, looking at the sea is a nice way to reflect.
I hope the surgery and recovery go well. 12 weeks is a terrible long time to not wet your scalp
Thanks Kylie. Supermarket sandwiches are quite good value and usually not too big, unlike cafes with monster everything imaginable. Often enough now I say cut it in half and I will eat half now and take away the other half.
DeleteYes, it is a short time in the grieving process. I am doing ok.
Yes, that first hair wet shampooing will be something to really look forward to.
More big ((((HUGS)))) coming your way - because you deserve them with all that going on in your life.
ReplyDeleteCoincidentally your comment today on Still Waters went into spam. I think the link did it.
Thanks Cathy. Sometimes I understand why some comments go to spam, and yes links will trigger it, but what did I link to? I'd better go back and check.
DeleteLol, I didn't realise it would display as a recognised link. My fail.
DeleteRay of Sunshine died too young but he never had to count the days away in a residential home. As for your apartment - it's so cool - unlike the grumpy old-fashioned fellow who resides there.
ReplyDeleteYP, the good die young. I am still here.
DeleteRay looks so happy with the flowers. Your apartment will look beautiful soon, no doubt and the stinky paint smell will go away with time. I'd rather paint in the summer, says me, who has put it off so far this summer, when I can be outside after and have the windows open to get rid of the smell.
ReplyDeleteStrayer, windows open remove the smell while they are open, but as soon as they are closed back it comes. The smell has to 'wear off'. Mostly I only notice it when I come home after being out.
DeleteGreat photo of Ray, fond memories. Getting out for the day while the work is ongoing is a great idea. It is fine to be the old guy sitting in the shade on a rainy day watching the waves.
ReplyDeleteTP, I naturally go out during the day but somehow this feels a bit forced. I'd like to add, sitting with my memories, but I was mostly looking at my phone.
DeleteSorry rather late to this. What a heartwarming photo of your Ray
ReplyDeleteAlison in Wales x
Thanks Alison. It is a nice photo and such a natural smile. In the latter years for a photo, he would smile and me at the shutter button would tell him, c'mon smile properly, a big happy smile, and he did.
DeleteThat's a lovely photo of your Ray.
ReplyDeleteThe painting mess will be worth it in the long run, it's just so disruptive at the time.
Pixie, it is so disruptive and I'd hate to have cowboys doing the job, but these guys, mostly one actually, are so considerate.
DeleteYou are in a difficult time period with this renovation happening while you're still adjusting to your loss. Just hang in there. Things will get better, I promise!
ReplyDeleteAnd you're right -- there is some consolation in knowing that Ray didn't suffer for any long period of time.
How weird that Air BnB wanted a face photo. That doesn't even seem legal.
Steve, the photo request seem to come from Air BnB but that's the first time I've used it and I am not sure. Someone's loss.
DeleteThank you for sharing Ray with us. I'm sure many of us relate to you more than you might think. Your sharing is instructive to those of us in long long-term relationships. I sincerely wish you comfort and a bit of pleasure in your life as your heart heals. Aloha, dear Andrea
ReplyDeleteMost of us will face this Cloudia. While it's part of life, it is hard.
DeleteSo much turmoil can be so oppressive so I hope the painters are finished soon and that life gets a bit calmer, Andrew. Love that photo of Ray.
ReplyDeleteAbout three more days of painters, Pat. Thank you.
Delete