Kind of related to my earlier post, when last Sunday I told Ex Sis in Law about my prospective boarder, there was an infiniTESimal pause by her after I answered her question about how old my prospective boarder is. I could hear the cogs of her brain working as I answered 21. Perhaps she has heard rumours about me?
I wish she had said something like oh, a toyboy then. She said nothing. I don't want another relationship, though I hope the boarder and I get along and it works out. I can go onto Grindr and within thirty minutes have a nice looking 20+ Indian or Asian born guy lined up. It isn't about me and my looks but what I can do for them, but not especially in a short term financial sense. They like a white daddy to...I am not sure why, look after them in some long term way? More than I would have thought seem to genuinely like older men.
Thursday I had two stiches removed from my scalp by the nurse at my skin cancer general practitioner rooms. She is nice, and was the nurse who took out my last stiches when my blood pressure dropped so low. She remembered me and Ray. I was with her for over an hour that day. There is no glossing over she is a big fat woman. After I told her about my various medical issues and Ray's death, as I was leaving she asked if I wanted a hug. I did and I was enveloped into the body of a large and voluptuous woman. It was really nice, and she said if I am struggling or just want to talk, the medical practice will be there for me.
My skin cancer doctor, also a woman, had also offered great comfort and care. I am thinking woman can offer people who are grieving much better comfort than men can/do.
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I am really glad that you accepted the hug and that you enjoyed it. I don't know whether all women are better at providing support for those grieving. I suspect not.
ReplyDeleteEC, of course not all, but I find generally.
DeleteLovely about the hug. Feels like ( in my limited experience) women just find it easier to open up about loss and grief with others.......?
ReplyDeleteAlison in Wales x
I think so Alison, and I think over their lifetimes women have more people to grieve for.
DeleteThere is just something about a hug Andrew. It's comfort, showing they care - a beautiful thing is a hug. Never too old or too young for one either.
ReplyDeleteMargaret, hugging isn't something I grew up with and I've had to learn about it over the last couple of decades. I think I get it right now.
DeleteA genuinely offered warm hug is a wondrous thing. I am too reserved (shy) to do such things spontaneously but have really appreciated being on the receiving end once or twice.
ReplyDeleteJayCee, it not something I initiate but I have learnt to exhibit something to indicate I am open to hug. I think it was Dame Maggie Smith who said in a tv series or film to a child, 'We're English, we don't hug'.
DeleteThe age difference deters any interesting conversations. There is often a huge disconnect when there is such an age difference. I had some scare with my right forearm, and I had to rush to my GP in Box Hill. She quickly reassured me it was a scar lol
ReplyDeleteYou are probably right Roentare. I don't know. At least he can work out how to connect Ray's expensive earbuds to my tablet. I can connect either ear bud but not both. I haven't tried too hard. Lol about your emergency doctor visit. I suspect never trust a doctor to self diagnose.
DeleteA big hug really helps.
ReplyDeleteJB, in this case, it really did. It was not perfunctory, just ever so natural.
DeleteHugs are always good. If I took in a 20 year old male boarder, I'd be inclined to see him as a grandson, and treat him likewise. And I'd be so out of touch with his world. It'd be fun though, because kids are so energetic and have different points of view and just being around young folk seems to energize.
ReplyDeleteStrayer, it will probably work as you describe a grandson. I may offer guidance (without my usual jaded opinions) and he will wake me to the world of the young. Neither is a bad thing.
DeleteNo, not a bad thing at all. Energizing, I think.
DeleteHugs are good, we need more of them.
ReplyDeleteI hope you receive plenty TP.
DeleteDearest Andrew,
ReplyDeleteA boarder for sharing the financial burden of living sounds like a good idea and even better if you will get along well.
Don't know if women are better at comforting, that depends on the individual character.
Hugs,
Mariette
Mariette, it isn't particularly for financial reasons but that will help. I think generally women are better. Perhaps they feel less physically constrained.
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DeleteHugs are good for us, they raise our levels of oxytocin and give us skin to skin contact, something all humans need. I often hugged my patients, with their permission of course and I'm so glad the nurse gave you a big, squishy hug, the best kind. I think that's why people love grandchildren so much, they give amazing hugs too.
ReplyDeletePixie, that is a nice thing for you to do. To some, it must be a huge comfort.
DeleteHugs were one of the things I missed most during the pandemic. When it was over (?) it was so nice to be hugged by a friend. And I come from a family that is not a hugging group in general.
ReplyDeletePat, we all have our pandemic wounds, don't we. As I said, perhaps in a comment, hugging was something I had to learn, and you too by the sound of it.
Deletethecontemplativecat here. I miss the hugs from my long distance gr-kids. Those are ones that make my melt.
ReplyDeleteYes CC, I reckon that would be hard to be far away from them.
DeleteIt isn't only the English who don't hug. I don't recall any hugs through my childhood and didn't hug my own children, something I will forever be sorry about. I give and get plenty of hugs from the twins, so that helps.
ReplyDeleteDoes your boarder call you Grandpa?
Different times River. I remember a neighbour who lived next door until we moved to the country when I was four, and she used to hug her children, my age. I was jealous. The Boarder may call me that and I expect to receive respect that such a title bestows.
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