Thanks for all of your nice comments on my last post.
The funeral went well and for AU$10,000 so it should have. Don't worry, Mother will pay. Well, actually it comes out of our inheritance.
Our Hair Dresser Friend came with us for support. It was nice to have some glam with us and she is very kind.
There were tears and laughter. Some of my speech was covered by others and so I had to adlib. R seldom gives me praise, but he said I spoke really well. I thought I did and I have little experience of public speaking.Tradie Brother spoke so well and on behalf of ABI Brother. He cracked a couple of times. Sister being a school teacher knows how to speak to an audience. She did become a little messy but continued on. Firefighting nephew had us in stitches as he spoke about his grandmother on behalf of his siblings. He cracked up badly but recovered. The photo slideshow was terrific.
Two of Step Father's children spoke well and it was nice that his side of family were there.
There were quite a number of Mother's cousins there, who I did not know but I did my best to mingle.
We returned home to a box of flowers left at our front door by a neighbour. I was emotionally exhausted and mentally drained. I forgot to take my phone to bed to charge and so missed the alarm going off and I slept later than usual. It was a good night's sleep but I felt terribly flat the next day.
It is weird but my dominant emotion is a feeling of being alone. It's not like Mother had any say in my life from my age of 16. It's not like she had money to give to me and for me to be obliged or dependant. I just feel so alone. Common sense tells me I being ridiculous but you cannot control your emotions.
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What a lovely setting for the coffin. Your memories of the things that she did shows so much about her.
ReplyDeleteThanks Anon.
DeleteWhat a lovely memorial. Perhaps leaving the cup unwashed was done on purpose. Best wishes, Andrew.
ReplyDeleteI really like that thought, Darla. Andrew, well done. Hugs to you, and I am glad you were able to sleep in. Doubtless, you needed it.
DeleteDarla, it was a last minute inclusion and I thought it should be cleaned, but then I thought why? Her cup, its state.
Delete:D
DeleteTears and laughter are the best way to see someone off. I am glad that R praised your speech too. Look after yourself please.
ReplyDeleteThank you EC.
DeleteExhaustion and then peace and gathering strength. Little things tripping you up when you least expect them. Take care.
ReplyDeleteJB, the following day was awful. We were just so flat, as was my brother. I am prepared for those moments.
DeleteThis is a good farewell for her. I felt for you all in this time.
ReplyDeleteThanks Roentare.
DeleteStalker
ReplyDeleteAndrew a few of her favourite things….how beautiful!
Feeling alone …such raw emotion, your Mother was always there for you and then R as well Acceptance is the most wonderful quality. ♥️🙏
Stalker, acceptance was never an issue. She was quite wise in some ways.
DeleteA nice send off.
ReplyDeleteIt was nice Bob. Professional funeral directors here are worth the money.
DeleteI love that personalised display at her funeral - including "Savlon" and the floral display on her coffin was beautiful. Would you mind posting a nice picture of your mother here on your blog? Of course it's up to you but I am sure that I am not the only one would would like to see her - perhaps how she was in her prime.
ReplyDeleteEspecially for you YP, and others, see my temporary post.
DeleteIt sounds like you did a great job with the eulogy and that your mom and yourself were and are loved. I think most of us have that alone feeling when we lose our mother, no matter the age or the circumstances. Hugs,
ReplyDeleteSandra sandracox.blogspot.com
Sandra, my speech was brief. I knew I couldn't do a long one. Others did better.
DeleteLove them or not our mothers are our first connection with the world and when that connection is severed we are bound to feel a bit alone. Your send off was perfect and it sounds as if everyone felt the love and loss.
ReplyDeleteBe gentle with yourself, now, Andrew. It will take time and out of nowhere every so often you will get hit with a wave of emotion. It's OK.
Caro, I expect you are perfectly right. There will be a wave or two down the track.
DeleteAs they say, the child is the father of the man. Those first 16 years left a permanent impression on your psyche, and that's why you feel so alone, so says Kirk, the poor man's Sigmund Freud
ReplyDeleteThe poor man's Freud might be qute wise.
DeleteI love the flowers on mum's coffin and on the table, even though we (Ashkenazi Jews) cannot have flowers at a funeral. They look tender, at a difficult time in the family's life.
ReplyDeleteHels, the flowers were her colours, bright.
DeleteI suspect your alone feeling comes from knowing she will never have you running all over doing things for her anymore. The flowers are all beautiful. I need to rein in my own baby powder habit.
ReplyDeleteHaha River. She was a pain at times. We limited her to stopping at one place when we took her out. I was becoming too hard to lift her walker in and out of the car multiple times. She never realised that we were getting older.
DeleteSounds like it was a lovely funeral as funerals go Andrew.
ReplyDeleteDo think the table with your Mother's favourite things on it was a great idea.
Lovely tribute to your Mum, may she RIP.
I'm sure most of us know who have lost a parent feel empty and alone, as that person is not there anymore to see or talk to in reality. They are still with us each single day, every minute of time, they watch over us and still love us as we love them.
Take care Andrew..Hugs xox
That's so nice, and moving Margaret.
DeleteWhat a lovely way to show the lady as she really was... a collection of her personal items that conjure up her essence for you all. Beautiful flowers too.
ReplyDeleteYes JayCee. The table was a surprise to me. Sister did so well organising.
DeleteEven after I mother died, I continued to make mental lists of things to tell her next time I saw her. And I would do jobs for my dad and think how pleased mum will be when she gets back. You never forget. See Thomas Hardy: 'His Immortality'.
ReplyDeleteThanks Tasker. No, I am sure you never forget.
DeleteI feel alone and think of my mother every day. She was difficult sometimes with me but I never stop missing her.
ReplyDeleteRachel, I know people who have had quite fractious relations with their mothers feel the same. Missing a parent is I suppose fairly normal. I never missed my father, but at times wished he was around so I could ask him something. He knew a lot about everything.
DeleteSame for me. My father was a learned man but I have never missed him in the same way.
DeleteSo nice of R to praise your eulogy. I presume it can't be easy to speak of a dear departed without feeling emotional. That table with your Mom's personal things is lovely. That's what I love about Australian funerals, they have photos, music, personal things, speeches, then food. In Europe you have a church service, then go to the cemetery and bury the person and everybody disbands. No one talks about the departed person, which is sad.
ReplyDeleteSami, our funerals were once a much more solemn affair but usually with food served after as mourners mingled. They have certainly changed now, for the better.
DeleteIt's like losing your ships home port I think, around which you have based a life. I think you are something of a home port too, to many in your family.
ReplyDeleteStrayer, that's a good analogy.
DeleteI like the idea of the table of things that were part of your mother's daily life, but I'm afraid I'd have been wrecked seeing them if I was you. A service really does help those left behind to process some of what they feel and gives some peace and finality. I'm glad it went well though I understand the flatness the next day. Hang in there, Andrew. The flowers are beautiful, by the way.
ReplyDeleteThanks Jenny. We are moving on now but still not a day passes when I don't think about her.
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