I had a nice weekend away. The hotel was not that posh but quite nice, and on the Geelong waterfront. Unbeknownst to me until an hour or so before I left home there was a huge car show right in front of the hotel and it was crazily busy. The waterfront area is great with many places to eat that aren't over the top expensive.
I'll put up photos in a another post later. As I drove to Geelong, the Friday afternoon traffic was hideous and it took much longer to get there than I thought. I had taken food with me, including breakfast cereal and cutlery, along with wine and soda water with which I water down my wine, but I forgot milk. I visited the nearby supermarket to buy some and bought a packet of crisps. The hotel had a happy hour, from 4 until 6, so I bought a glass of wine and along with four $3 oysters Kilpatrick. Delicious. I had eaten so many snacks, I wasn't that hungry at dinner time, so I went to the nearby Hecho en Mexico and dined outside on a single small chorizo taco. A cool breeze had arrived and I felt a bit chilly while outside. I futzed around on my tablet while half watching tv in my room that evening and I slept well, in a king size bed on my own. I'll leave the rest of the stay for another post.
But what seems to be happening is that I get upset when I am away from home without Ray. It happened last weekend when I was a away and again this weekend. I am pretty good at home, but my grief seems to bubble up when I am away from home.
Kosov seems to be staying here rent free. I don't care. He is a sweet guy and good company. I can't remember how it arose now but, "Kosov, look at my clothes in my wardrobe. Look at my unironed winter shirts I've been wearing. Look at all my beautifully ironed short sleeved summer shirts that I am now wearing, ironed by Ray". I burst into tears and he pulled me in with a comforting hug. My embarrassing emotional outburst was over quickly and I apologised. I should not have lain my grief on him.
Some of you will have experienced grief at the loss of life partner, and some of you will. Your responses and how you cope with it will be different to mine but you have to remember, none of us are the first person to go through this. It is part of life
I have no more time away on the horizon until the new year when I will stay at Sister's to look after her cats, and perhaps that is just as well.
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Someone to hug you when you really need it is important. What a nice young man he must be.
ReplyDeleteHugs. Grief sneaks up on us doesn't it?
ReplyDeleteI would imagine that with all the travelling you did with Ray during the years you were together it is inevitable that it will be those moments that hit you hard.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely hug therapy required.
Geelong waterfront and the hotel experience … sounds like a lovely place to visit, despite the challenges of Friday traffic and forgetting the milk!
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about the heaviness that comes while being away from home without Ray. Grief shows up in its own way and time, is it not?
Wishing you strength and comfort ...
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It reads like an existential crisis here. I hope you will come through this eventually
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