YP indicated a strong opinion that The Boarder needs a proper name, so if you refer back to Sunday Selections, you may understand why I will call him Phyllis.
Phyllis surprised me on Sunday morning when he said he was going to church and would it be ok if he brought a couple of friends back for a meal. What? Church? What me cooking a Sunday roast pork?
Of course he did the cooking and I bet he attends St Francis' church in the city. His two female friends were polite and respectful. They all spoke the same Tamil language as Phyllis does. Sometimes they would speak between each other in English. One of his friend's name was the capital city name of Peru, easy to remember. The other friend, not so easy.
Generally, it is working well having Pyllis here but there are a few things that annoy me, and I will probably speak up about them at some point. They are so trivial, but they are things I just keep noticing. Ray and I were very set in our ways at home and we verbally or silently agreed on things after being together for 45 years.
Here is the list:
I am happy with doors open, doors closed and doors ajar. I am not happy with doors half open/closed.
The bathroom for Phyliss is also my laundry. Why is there always water all over the floor after he showers and even shaves with an electric shaver?
Phyliss came with kitchen stuffs. A plate or two, a bowl, couple of cheap dessert spoons. Some pots and pans, a timber cutting board, a couple of chopsticks and a knife or two. I have a perfectly good set of cutlery and crockery, without hand painted periwinkles. I don't want these extras in my drawers and cupboards. There is no need for them. I can't imagine that there aren't enough frying pans for all needs in my cupboards. I am not an unreasonable person. If there is something he has that I don't, of course he can add it to the cupboards. His rice cooker being one example.
The door issues I will address by adjusting the doors once he is out. He will notice the doors.
The wet bathroom floor is an Asian/Indian thing. No prob. It is his bathroom and I just need to access the washing machine/dryer and the laundry cupboard.
The crockery/cutlery/pots and pans matter, I will discuss with him and make him see common sense. Whatever extras he has that are already here, can be stored in a cupboard.
After mentioning to Phyliss that in his first ten nights here, his friend had stayed here for seven nights, his friend disappeared but returned last Friday. I invited his friend to stay the night in my bed. I thought by inviting him, I was in control. He did stay and went on his own merry way the next day, with a shake of the hands and 'see you next week', whatever that entails. A one night stay each week is ok with me. It is odd. They sleep in the same bed and quarrel like an old married couple, at the ages of 21.
So, no regrets, all good, and stops me thinking so much about my sadness at times.
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So long as you are happy with the arrangement that's what counts.
ReplyDeleteI am far too OCD to have a stranger sharing my space. The little things would drive me mad.
Don't worry JayCee, I am quite on the spectrum of OCD but I fight against it. His feet thongs are under the dining table and a fashion sketch book is on the table and have been for two days. I could just put them on his bed, but I tell myself, what is the big deal? No one is visiting.
DeleteI am glad that it is mostly working for you - and very glad that it distracts (at least sometimes) from focusing on your grief. I am a creature of habit and suspect I would struggle with a stranger in the house.
ReplyDeleteEC, I too am a creature of habit and that hasn't changed.
DeleteHuman engagement and distractions can be a good thing
ReplyDeleteRoentare, as you say, they are part of the reasons for having a boarder.
DeleteIt's a bit difficult living with someone new but I think that addressing your concerns allows things to develop into a better rhythm and keeps things pleasant.
ReplyDeleteBob, he is not here a lot and if he is not cooking, he is mostly in his room, which is kind of how I hoped it work. I find him completely trustworthy, and believe me, I've subtly but deliberately tested him.
DeleteIf Phyllis had to make a list of the things that niggle him about you, he would probably need a few sheets of paper... but of course, it's your place so you are Hugo Boss!
ReplyDeleteHa ha...made me laugh...I think we would all have long lists about us...lol...Peta
DeleteYP, he has me on a very high pedestal, full of gratitude and I can do no wrong in his eyes.
DeleteShhh Peta. You are probably correct but I won't admit it.
DeleteAssuming there's a shower curtain, I wonder if he leaves it open when he showers and thus the wet floor. Shaving would be harder to explain.
ReplyDeleteKirk, it is a shower over a bath and half the length of the bath has a solid glass screen. There will be a little bit of splashing on the floor if anyone has a shower, but this I think most came from the basin and covered about half the floor of the room in places. It is not something I am going to worry about. It's just my socks get wet if the floor is wet. I can wear feet thongs.
DeleteCould you provide a mat for him to step onto after showering? To minimise water drippage. Ask him if he wuld like you to make space for his dishes and cutlery or maybe he wuld prefer to share yours? The door situation seems a silly thing to quibble about, could you learn to ignore it?
ReplyDeleteRiver, I originally supplied a towel, bath mat and a hand towel, all hanging where they should. The hand towel was washed and put away and unlike me who washes my towels together with nothing else, he puts his in his general washing. I forgot about the hand towel not being there when Sister and Jo were here the weekend before last. There was nothing in the bathroom to dry their hands. I'll remember for future visitors. I have made space in the kitchen cupboards for him and today I put all his crockery, not much, into the space, and moved his cutlery out of where my set sits. The doors are probably the thing that annoys me most.
DeletePossibly he’s more comfortable using his own cooking utensils/ paraphernalia. To me, River’s suggestion of making/giving him a special space of his own seems a good one.
ReplyDeleteIt’s good you ‘cleared the air’ over the friend with privileges taking advantage of your hospitality.
I realise it must be difficult- being a first time landlord- but don’t make it too hard on both of yourselves.
Cathy, yes I get that, but basic things like dessert spoons, tea spoons, eating plates and a bowl. Just not needed. I have given him kitchen space, which is where I put his crockery today. Really, it's working out well enough. I quite like having his presence here.
DeleteFeels like the fact that you're able that tell us about it and discuss it with Phyllis means you are managing the situation well - I would struggle as I'm a terrible fusspot. I did get muddled up about the doors......please explain the difference between ajar and half open 😉
ReplyDeleteAlison in Wales x
Alison, I could probably be considered a fusspot too, He is clean and reasonably tidy. Ajar for me is just open. You can't see into a room but the door is not firmly closed and doesn't require operation of the handle to open the door. That's fine, but I don't understand the point of half opened doors. It looks untidy to me.
DeleteI didn't understand that bit, either, Alison. Half-open is ajar to me.
Delete👍😂😍
DeleteAlison x
I have a daughter who leaves every cupboard and drawer open. She tried to minimise it while living here but when she lived in the country I would see on video calls that every single cupboard and drawer in her 3 bedroom house was open. It makes no sense.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you're doing not too badly, all told and i'm glad Phyllis is a distraction for you
Kylie, I would die with open cupboard doors. Sister's pantry door will properly close and when I am there on my own, it drives me mad. Phyllis is a nice guy.
DeleteActually it sounds as if you are doing very well, the niggles will disappear with time. My granddaughter's untidiness would set you in a spin.
ReplyDeleteThelma, perhaps like the untidiness of my 17 year old niece, and you are quite right.
DeleteAll sound rather good actually Andrew. Certainly would like that other bathroom come laundry floor dry, could be dangerous when wet.
ReplyDeleteMargaret, it is working out well enough. The tiles aren't slippery when wet, but my socks get wet if I walk in there.
DeleteIt sounds as if your'e doing pretty well, much better than I would. He's young, too, and it's good to have youth around you.
ReplyDeleteJB yes, I am hearing some young people's music I quite like.
DeleteOld and set in our ways. we are.
ReplyDeleteTP, very set in our ways, but I try not to be.
DeleteIt sounds like your boarder has a very active social life, but that he's, at the heart of it all, a homebody. Not a bad thing either.
ReplyDeleteDebby, he certainly not one to sit about and chill.
DeleteI'm glad it's going well. I don't think I could have a boarder, I'm way too particular, and it's gotten as I've gotten older:)
ReplyDeletePixie, without doubt are faults, or little things about us, become stronger and worse as we age.
DeleteSounds like you are working out the things that are a bother. That just takes ingenuity and time, and you have both. I find having my son in the house, even when we don't see each other for days at a time, makes a huge difference to my feelings of isolation. It might be different with a stranger, but then again strangers don't remain strangers for too long, and the principle is the same anyway.
ReplyDeleteJenny, it probably is a bit different if it is your own family. Maybe it's harder at times because what you say and how you say it matters a whole lot more when it's family.
DeleteIt seems as if things are working out okay. You are much more easy going about things than I am so a few little complaints seems like nothing in the long run. Glad there is a bit of activity around the condo too rather than just you poking about on your own, Andrew.
ReplyDeletePat, yes I do feel it is good for me.
DeleteI could not deal with a boarder but am so, so glad it's a good distraction. Hugs, my dear.
ReplyDeleteThanks Darla. So far, so good.
DeleteI can see how all these little things add up to a bigger annoyance, but hopefully you'll find a good equilibrium. I love the nickname Phyllis. So funny. (That's like my neighbor Mrs. Kravitz -- who is actually Indian and whose real name is nowhere close to Kravitz.)
ReplyDeleteSteve, yes it really is going better than I expected. At least I know where the name Kravitz comes from.
Delete