You know the saying, cutting off your nose despite your face and that is what I did when I put my foot down with a firm hand.
Before we left Australia we had booked our train trip from Newcastle to Kings Cross Station, where we would catch a tube train to Heathrow for our flight home. I had allowed for more than a two hour delay for the trip into the plan.
The night before we caught a wonderfully smooth and luxurious LNER train to York, after a couple of drinks at Sister 1's R spouted forth. He (that's me) thinks his trains are so wonderful. The last time we travelled from Kings Cross, it was a horrible trip. Someone vomited everywhere and...well I can't remember now his other complaints. All I could remember about the trip was that it wasn't nice and at quite a high speed, it was hard to walk down the train corridor to the buffet car. I think we may have sitting backwards too, which was our fault.
R went on and on about the train trip, in great detail that I don't remember. I said enough. Stop this now. He didn't, and I said if you hate the train so much, I will cancel the train booking to London then. Fine, he replied. I went outside and with my phone and I cancelled the train booking and LNER promised me a full refund, which I have yet to receive. I think for the two of us the price was about AU$100, £50.
When I returned inside the conversation had changed. About an hour later R asked me if I had really cancelled the train booking. I replied yes. Voices were not raised, there was not an argument.
Next morning when R arose, he again asked me if I had cancelled the train trip. Yes, I had.
The next day on train to York I said to R, we need to book something to get to London to go home. The reply was, you cancelled the train. You look at flights to London. It seems trains are killing domestic flying in England but I did find a BA flight on my phone to get to London. After double checking the times with R, it was good and I booked and paid for the flight to Heathrow.
The cost was a few hundred dollars. I've never actually checked. I am too scared. I mentioned the cost to R, and he replied, you cancelled the train, you pay for the flights. And that is how it has remained.
I did really cut off my nose despite my face, but I don't care, least of all about the money. I mostly go for the quiet life but I stood up to his loose talk.
The real issue is R made me doubt myself about the train trip to London. Have I allowed enough time? What if the train is cancelled? What if there are obnoxious people on the train? What guarantee is there about the train? Industrial action has been affecting all train traffic in England. This had begun before we travelled to England, has been ongoing and is still happening now. PM Sunak seems uninterested in doing anything about the industrial relations public transport mess within his country.
R made me lose confidence in myself and travelling by train in England. It will all be brought up in a future argument. Lol, very mature and after nearly 44 years together, we still behave so childishly.
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Well, you got there in the end. I have done similar things before now and have had to tell myself "It's only money. Who cares?"
ReplyDelete(I do!)
Jay Cee, 'it's only money. Who cares?' and 'I do', resonates within me.
DeleteCutting off your nose to spite your face is double loss :(
ReplyDeleteOk Hels. I get what you mean.
DeleteI too have cut off my nose to spite my face. More than once. And we also at times behave very childishly despite our many years together. You got there in the end which is all that matters.
ReplyDeleteEC, we always do get there in the end but to able to talk more frankly without it being an argument would be nice.
DeleteR should have kept his gob shut.
ReplyDeleteYP, you are so supportive. He should have and as you know, I am always faultless.
DeleteI'm sorry you ended up in an awkward situation as do we all:( Sometimes, you have to stand up for yourself and be damned to the consequences.
ReplyDeleteSandra, I am disappointed in myself in the way it wasn't something we could have later discussed. But humans aren't often about logic.
DeleteCrap happens at times. Friction comes and goes as long as you spent a long time together. Sometimes it is so good to have someone you can be mad about too.
ReplyDeleteRoentare, let out work stress?
DeleteYou could have cancelled the flights back home. That would have been a greater problem. And R started it.
ReplyDeleteYeah, yeah and yeah Caro. What I did will hopefully stop him mouthing off in the future. To belittle your partner to others is getting close to emotional abuse.
DeleteThe old saying I recall is "to cut off your nose to spite your face." "Despite" strikes me as a Mondegreen.
ReplyDeleteMC, as Hels said above. I don't think it was a Mondegreen but simple my bad.
DeleteR sounds like he can be very peevish. People like that peeve me. I think we all have a tendency to behave childishly when provoked to the point of losing patience. I, myself, would have kept the train and told r to find his own way to London. I am not a patient person.
ReplyDeleteDebby, to nearly everybody R is a wonderful, outgoing, friendly, chatty and and kind person. He has been a wonderful life partner and I wouldn't change anything. However, he takes perceived insults very personally and can be very touchy, combined with an inferiority complex, even with me. I like your idea of me catching the train and letting R find his own way.
DeleteApart from the loss of a few extra dollars for the plane it probably doesn't matter too much since you got where you wanted to go and are now safely home again. Just forget it all and don't be putting it into the "petty arguments later" basket. If R ever brings it up you reply "mistakes were made, let's move on"
ReplyDeleteWise words River, and it will go into that basket but not forgotten to use as ammunition when I am criticised again.
DeleteYes, but you know one another so well. Once you might not have been concerned about 'things' going wrong or what you may find, as we get older we become wiser and think more about the what if's.
ReplyDeleteMargaret, you are correct. The what ifs are now terrible, yet they never happen.
DeleteYou are right Andrew, the what 'ifs' never seem to happen, they just might!..lol
DeleteThe natural response is, 'Do it yourself, then', but that just inflames matters. The added stress on you was not helpful but you got there in the end, pocket lighter, but on time.
ReplyDeleteJB, I've used 'do it yourself' in the past, ineffectively. We know where each others talents lie.
DeleteYou made it, everyone survived.
ReplyDeleteIt almost goes without saying TP. Of course we did, but...
DeleteLOL that would be me! I would have cancelled the train, too. We have these 'discussions" as well. Let's just say I usually get my way.
ReplyDeleteJackie, R says I get my way all the time. Strange that I've never noticed this.
DeleteWell, that sounds like a stressful day! I must admit, I think I'd have just said, "Well, we're going by train, and you'll have to lump it."
ReplyDeleteIt IS true that strikes have made train travel a bit hairier, but usually they announce ahead of time which days they'll be striking so people can make alternate plans.
Steve, it is a big responsibility to carry when you know that if something goes wrong, the immediate blame will fall on your shoulders.
DeleteThe strikes had tamed down a bit by the time we visited. Snap strikes must be awful for some passengers.
Oh boy Andrew, it sounds like the issues I had with the group in Portland I helped last Monday. I ended up being told to leave, having backs turned on me, harsh words, and I did leave but it was all because the people involved were so worn out. Was that part of it with you two? But its good to put one's foot down and not tolerate being badly bashed, especially concerning something one loves, like train travel. I hope you make up. I don't like to hear of conflict.
ReplyDeleteStrayer, the issue never became an argument. I just did what I did. Your situation sounds worse to me. R generally likes train travel too and I think he was just letting off some stress. A better me might have ignored it.
DeleteI understand, having been with my guy since 1989. I probably would have done the same in your place, too. Be well, and try to laugh every day, Andrew.
ReplyDeleteDarla, a blogger a day usually makes me laugh.
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