Mother explained her early writing of Christmas cards and buying gifts last year was in case something happened to her, in case of a 'surprise' stay in hospital. Of course the surprise hospital stay happened. 'I want to be out by Christmas Day, but I am not sure I will be well enough'. Hospital staff discharged her two days before Christmas Day as she was well enough.
There is no doubt Mother's health is deteriorating but still she has great plans for when 'she is well again' and still spends mental energy on how to manipulate people to suit her purpose.
While I'll be able to wax lyrical of Mother's attributes in her younger years at her funeral, I will struggle to say good things about her final years. But there is one quality Mother has that has worked for her throughout her life and that is the ability to bring out the best caring qualities in everyone.
If you remember back to last year when Mother became confused while staying at our place and after her second invasion of R's bedroom at around 5.30 in the morning, I woke to hear R screaming at Mother to get our of his room. R went on and on about her deliberate invasion of his privacy. The next time I went to see her, he did not come. But all seemed well on Christmas Day among family, and when we visited Mother a couple of weeks ago R insisted we take her a bunch of flowers.
From family to neighbours, to friends and professional medical staff, to retail shop staff to strangers on the street, she manages to extract the kindness factor from them all to help her. A neighbour used to drive my siblings to school and often enough the school principle's wife would drive them home. It was a distance they could have really walked, although along a highway footpath. Various people have transported her around in their cars for whatever reason. One of her former dyke couple neighbours keeps in touch by mail with the 'best neighbour we could have wished for'. Dog and cat lovers connect.
Mother's children are very critical of her and we make our thoughts plain to her, yet it washes over her and we love her no less. Maybe it is because she wears her heart on her sleeve more than most people would and certainly much more than her children.
Aging parents can be a challenge, as much as we love them deep down.
ReplyDeleteIndeed Steve, and you know.
DeleteThat's a wonderful attribute to have.AND I like the word:)
ReplyDeleteThanks Sandra.
DeleteThis is a genuine and touching piece of attribute to your mum.
ReplyDeleteRoentare, I think you have a good relationship with your mother. Treasure it.
DeleteI know EXACTLY how difficult it has been for you :(
ReplyDeleteJoe's much older sister came to Melbourne when her husband passed away 12 years ago because Joe was her only relative in the universe. We found her a lovely care home near our place and take her out each week, but she hates not living in Sydney and makes life a misery for her brother.
Hels, what can I say but poor Joe. You do what you have to do for family.
DeleteThe ability to be "out there" connecting and not hidden away in a hermit crab's shell is a good one. I wonder which of your mother's traits you have inherited Andrew?
ReplyDeleteYP, the bad traits, as R frequently informs me.
DeleteThe world whirls around her. She is the center and she knows it well and she knows how to be the center. Will the world collapse in on itself, like a missiled weather balloon, when its center passes away? Only time will tell.
ReplyDeleteStrayer, don't mention the balloon word. Our family seems quite cohesive. She is the respected older now but no longer the centre.
DeleteSo she plays the "woe is me" card just enough that people fall over themselves to help her and never realise they have been manipulated? Or is she one of those people who just bring out the helpfulness of kind people? Or all people?
ReplyDeleteRiver, I'd like to say it is the latter but it is very much a bit of both.
Delete'ability to bring out the best caring qualities in everyone' That can be a good thing or not so good Andrew. I see that she has done this to get her own way, to use people. However are so dear to us that we just overlook so many things - I know I did when mum was alive.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry Margaret. None of us are under any illusions about her. She always does manage to get her way, perhaps another skill she has.
DeleteThat Anonymous is me - using different browser today and it seems troublesome at time.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking your mother plays on people's sympathy quite a bit.
ReplyDeleteThat's a fair call Kirk, but people don't realise that at the time. Maybe they remember later.
DeleteOh the tricky relationship between a mother and her children when said mother can be a prickly cow but loved nonetheless. I remember someone saying to me that they loved my mother and thought she was a wonderful person but was very glad she wasn't their mother. You are a wonderful, honest son, Andrew, and she is blessed to have you.
ReplyDeleteYou are home Caro. I've missed you even though you have posted about your travels. Indeed, Mother is blessed with children like us. So why is that?
DeleteBecause you are good people.
DeleteThey say ageing isn’t for sissies - maybe your mum is aware the effect her ageing is having on everyone and is trying to make light of it by being nice…..what’s that I hear you say - No?? It’s not like that at all!!
ReplyDeleteWhatever….you’ll miss her when she’s gone
Cathy, she constantly apologises for being such a bother but makes no effort to ensure she isn't a bother. We are well used to it. She is no more or less nice than she has always been. She will be very missed. Every family member has Mother tales.
DeleteMy mother was a total nightmare from beginning to end. I miss her everyday.
ReplyDeleteI will know exactly how you feel Rachel.
DeletePartent's can be complicated.
ReplyDeleteYou said it TP.
DeleteI am the mother. My youngest is giving me all sorts of advice about childrearing now that we've got William. Evidently I was not good at it.
ReplyDeleteDebby, I hope you reply, yes dear, and then ignore what is being said. I do remember being young and how right I was about everything.
DeleteUgh...
ReplyDelete