Maybe twice or more a week I take coffee at the cafe across the road, and while in the morning I will order a long black, if I visit in the afternoon before 3.00, closing time, I order a double espresso. There are three outdoor tables, each sitting four people, and yesterday, all tables were occupied, one by a woman I know by sight as a regular customer.
It is just really politeness, not an actual request, but I asked if she minded if I sat at her table, she said, of course, please sit. I sat diagonally opposite here. She asked if I was having my usual espresso. Hmm, she's noticed me before.
She might be 55 or so, well enough dressed and made up. I let the conversation die, and we both occupied ourselves with our phones. I was thinking to myself, this is ridiculous and when my coffee arrived I asked if she lived nearby, which was silly, as obviously she does.
That broke the phone focus and we chatted about all sorts of things but her constant was her loneliness, and especially how hard it was for her during Covid lock down. She visits the cafe mainly for contact with people.
I mentioned my late partner without being gender specific. But I made sure she saw my little finger painted with black nail polish, lest she goes down a wrong path.
My hard head says, be careful. My heart says, no harm. It's nice to have a chat.
Much to YP's horror, I probably would have preferred to just keep looking at my smart phone.
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A little gentle communication is no harm. You probably made her day.
ReplyDeleteJB, maybe something for her to think about later, and hopefully think, he was nice enough.
DeleteIt's okay to make friends. And she may want nothing more than a casual chat once in a while.
ReplyDeleteBoud, I have observed her too and I know what time she visits the cafe. I can choose my time to visit the cafe. She was a nice person.
DeleteOh you're funny that you would have preferred looking at the phone. I probably would have also. I think telling a stranger you are lonely could be a red flag event for the stranger and sometimes dangerous for the person confessing that to the stranger. At least here in America where plenty of people would jump to exploit that.
ReplyDeleteStrayer, she didn't blurt out that she was lonely. I mentioned that I had walked every street, including hers, during Covid lockdown and we talked about the mental health affects of lockdown, minimal for me but significant for her for my late partner Ray.
DeleteI would prefer my phone as well. And telling a stranger that you are lonely would scare me off!
ReplyDeleteJackie, while she did a bit too much focus on her need to get out for coffee each day for human contact, see my reply to Strayer above.
DeleteAndrew, not everyone will see you as an Errol Flynn Leonard de Caprio or some other movie idol😂, does it matter if you talk about Ray your beloved partner? The lady probably just wanted to hear another human voice and it was yours . Unless she was boring and talked about her rheumatism bowels or other illness or gossiped nastily about other people
ReplyDeleteTherev are many topics that are general that are interesting you could talk about . As I used to say to my kids with love … life is not just all about you.♥️
Ps If you see her again suggest she get a cat or a small dog….that in itself gives her something to be busy about and if a dog, people always want to talk to you if you have a dog,, Hunky young tradies love our dog . Mind you hunky boy tradies are the wrong brand for me
DeleteAt my age, my life is all about me. You are right. She just liked the human contact and she did not moan on about health problems. Should, and it may happen, I get to know her better, we may start talking about medical problems, and I am sure I can beat her in that area.
DeleteThat is quite true about dogs.
DeleteAt least when/if you see her again you can nod and then decide whether to sit by yourself or move in her direction
ReplyDeleteCathy, I now know her name and she knows mine. I might only be there when she is once a week, so it isn't a big deal. I'll just judge it at the time. She did seem like a nice person.
DeleteIt's almost easier not to chat. Good on you for taking "the road less traveled."
ReplyDeleteBob, it was fun to skite to Phyllis and Kosov once I was home at how I had picked up. Onnndrew, you are turning.
DeleteGood on you for reaching out. I find chatting with total strangers less tiresome than (most) loved ones other than my husband. lol He's forever amazed (and often chagrined) by my easy conversations. They often start with a simple compliment and this old white suburban lady has found most people of every ilk responding kindly. Best wishes, my dear.
ReplyDeleteDarla, I consider myself socially reticent, but given Kosov knows this he wonders how I can so easily talk to people in our buildings lifts. Compliments can go a very long way, having received a couple myself, and I never forget them.
DeleteGood that you reached out. You did a good thing for a lonely person. I love hearing people's stories.
ReplyDeleteThanks Debby. I got something out of the connection too.
DeleteFor me it is so much easier to just take my coffee and walk home with it rather than sit at the only chair available at a table where someone already is seated. I'm not lonely at all, and don't need the company of others, though sometimes it is nice.
ReplyDeleteRiver, that's generally my attitude too, but some times I think, take a chance.
DeleteAndrew
ReplyDeleteI have coffee each Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday at 12.30 in Alma Road. I sit outside in the gorgeous sunshine in summer, and sit inside in less than gorgeous winter. Welcome to join me, but warn me an hour ahead on WhatsApp or email :)
Hels, this coming week is very busy but I will join you for coffee soon. Do you still have the od bigpond eddress?
DeleteIt was nice of you to chat with her a little. It doesn't mean you have to in the future.
ReplyDeleteDiane, I will judge it at the time.
DeleteI don't think you transgressed any limits and you did what anyone else probably would have done. I am sure she would have felt happy after the chat.
ReplyDeleteI like to think so Pradeep. Today I watched a brief video by a traveller who has been everywhere and she loved the friendliness of Indian people.
DeleteShe was brave to tell you, a stranger, that she is lonely. Your little chat was a gift to her, it might have changed her day for the better.
ReplyDeleteTerra, I'd like to think I made her day better. I find of knew this connection would happen at some point.
DeleteFrom what you describe, she doesn't seem to have taken it as anything more than a nice chat.
ReplyDeleteQuite so, Kirk. I've only lived alone for a total of about six months in my life. I don't know what real loneliness is
DeleteSometimes it is better not to go into a deep analysis about such things and just take them as they come. So next time you see her, walk by her table with a pleasant acknowledgment or sit down and chat.
ReplyDeleteThelma, in advance I had overthought meeting her. I knew it would happen. Yep, don't over analysis, but that's what I do.
DeleteA brief moment of conversation that brightened both your mornings, even if it pulled you away from your phone
ReplyDeleteRoentare, and what did I miss on my phone? Absolutely nothing
DeleteBeen going there for ages both of you and never said a word until recently! made sure you showed her your black nail, didn't want her to go down the wrong path - oh Andrew, I found that rather funny :) just me I suppose! Is it not good to have a chat, would have been good for both of you...hopefully you will both chat again.
ReplyDeleteMargaret, I am quite sure we will meet up again for a chat. Instead of suggesting she get a dog or cat, I will ask her if she has any pets.
DeleteThat's exactly what the world needs today! For people to sit down and chat!
ReplyDeleteWell, ME, yes and no. If they are interesting, yes.
DeleteI talk to strangers, 67 years and so far no harm has come from it.
ReplyDeletePlenty of good, I would guess TP, if not for you, for those you talk to.
DeleteA nice chat with a stranger is a good thing, Andrew.
ReplyDeleteYes Pat, it should be and usually is.
DeleteIt was nice of you to share her table and her time. I must confess, sitting at the same table with a complete stranger is my idea of a nightmare. I'd have taken my coffee to go and found a handy bench somewhere!
ReplyDeleteSteve, they are large rectangular tables and I've done it before, as have others to me. Obviously you don't sit directly opposite.
DeleteHi Andrew, I echo Boud's comment. ❤️ Thank
ReplyDeleteThanks Linda.
DeleteYou could have just said you're gay, it's no big deal. Then she'd have known exactly what's what.
ReplyDeleteAussiebel, if there were any overtures of any kind, I would do so but otherwise I didn't see any need.
Delete