My dearest Mother. You have outlived your parents, my Pop and Grandma by many years. You have outlived our father by two decades plus and our step father by one decade plus. You are now 89 years old and we hoped you would reach 90.
If you can no longer get out of bed and walk, you cannot go back to ABI Brother's home. It will mean high level nursing home care, in spite of you expressing such thoughts of horror. But that is if you leave hospital and that in unsure. Sister's wife, Bone Doctor has her professional doubts.Your health is declining and it is all very up in the air. This public hospital is giving you very good medical care, aside from rather poor food. You can't expect the higher level of attention you received in the private hospital, but to restate, your public hospital medical care is excellent.
Dear Mother, please be reassured our medical system and we your children will do whatever is best for you.
Much love Mum,
Andrew.
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This stage of life, of our parents, is a very challenging time for all those involved. Your statement of everyone is doing the best for "you" is very truthful and real... Take care
ReplyDeleteThank you Kent. Your words are kind.
DeleteOh Andrew. Knowing it has to happen doesn't make it any easier. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteEC, I am usually a bit more resilient but it is taking its toll. Thank you
DeleteSad news, I'm sorry Andrew. This has to be difficult.
ReplyDeleteYep Strayer, thanks. I am the only person in the world who has had their mother die, well close to.
DeleteIts sad for anybody, sure, but right now you are "anybody" and I know what a sinking black hole that is, to lose someone you've loved for so long, someone familiar as morning coffee but alive.
DeleteMum is the best gift in my life too.
ReplyDeleteRoentare, they are never perfect, but nor are we. Treasure your mother.
DeleteThinking of you from afar
ReplyDeleteTake care
Cathy
Thanks Cathy. Rug up against the cold.
DeleteSo sorry to hear this sad news. It is a difficult time in one's life so take care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteIt is difficult Pat, but you've probably gone through as most of my blogmates probably have. She is better one day then worse the next, but with full mental faculties.
DeleteOh dear, Andrew. It is hard when they get to this stage. Is it attention seeking? Are they giving up? Are they depressed? A bit of everything? I will hold you in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteDepressed, yes Caro. No to the others. I really wish it was attention seeking as she does that quite well.
DeleteFrom parents know best to the children know best. Such is the circle of life.
ReplyDeleteYes Kirk. They are there for us when we are young...and so forth.
DeleteI hope your mum agrees the hospital is the best place. I would hate for ABI brother to be trying to get her in and out of bed for hygiene purposes with her complaining at every step. Are you able to take food to her in the hospital? Snacks that Mum enjoys and would supplement the bland hospital diet?
ReplyDeleteRiver, he just could not do that and we would not expect him to. Sister took her Macca burger and chips on Saturday when we saw her on Saturday. ABI Brother took her chicken nuggets and two apple pies the next day. She has a supply of her essential Marie biscuits, barley sugar and chocolates. We will see her Friday or Saturday and we should take something. A nice fresh lamington perhaps? No, the cocoanut would get stuck under her dentures. We'll think of something.
DeleteIce cream.
DeleteI am sorry Andrew. It is a tough row to hoe. I hope that you can all lean on each other. You will all need the support.
ReplyDeleteDebby, it is to my pride that I and my siblings and their partners are all so well connected. Not friends, but family bound. We are all taking it differently but connected.
DeleteFeel for you and your family, very hard time mentally for all.
ReplyDeleteHad to deal with this with my mother and father way back as neither of them could walk when in hospital. I did a lot of talking explaining and trying to get through to them to makes sense and for them to understand - all turned out ok...so have faith Andrew and family...hugs and best wishes.
Margaret, was your father still alive when I began reading your blog? I seem to remember that he was. Thank you.
DeleteI'll have a look to see - No Andrew you hadn't begun to follow :)
Deletehttps://whiteangels-thoughts.blogspot.com/2014/07/today.html
About my dad's funeral is that link if you wish to look.
Sometimes the practical and sensible option is the one that makes us feel the most sad.
ReplyDeleteEver so true JayCee.
DeleteWhat a sweet letter ! The problem is that too many people wait too long to go into a home. Of course it also depends which one. I think you know Diane, she and Bill have a real paradise home and enjoy it. Maybe it would be better for your mother to stay in the hospital and not being moved anymore. Anyway I think the same as "Bone Doctor" !
ReplyDeleteGattina, for a long time we tried to get Mother to sell her house and move into a retirement place. She could have done that after her partner died in 2009 and had a good quality of life, but she hung on to her old life.
DeleteYou have often referred to the irritation that your mother has caused you but underneath it all there is this river of love and wanting to do what's best for her.
ReplyDeleteYP, from all of her children and those who love her.
DeleteThe medical system is excellent, but old age is no doddle. Your mum is lucky she has good family to worry about her.
ReplyDeleteHels, I wonder about myself without children and being in a similar situation.
DeleteHave the family take her what ever food she wants, as often as she wants and they can. Been there, been through this. All my father wanted was chocolate ice cream for the last few weeks.
ReplyDeleteI like your father's choice TP. Thank you.
DeleteIt's a very tough time, perhaps made worse because your mother is still mentally able. You all give her much love and support and the dainties she can't get in hospital (if chicken nuggets can be called dainties!) You can do no more.
ReplyDeleteJB, yes it would be easier if she didn't have her mental faculties but she fully understands the situation she is in.
DeleteSending you a huge hug, Andrew.
ReplyDeleteThanks Sandra, sweet.
DeleteI feel for you. Best wishes, Andrew.
ReplyDeleteThank you Darla.
DeleteAndrew, I'm glad I chose tonight to catch up a bit on your blog, for otherwise I would have missed this. I'm so sorry. I know the last bit of life is not an easy place for anyone or their families. We'll all be in your mother's position sooner or later, and I can't truly swear I'll be any more accepting than she is. It's a hard thing, and I wish you all strength as things progress. I feel for you all.
ReplyDeleteJenny, that we will all be in that position scares me. I don't know that living to an old age is all it is cracked up to be. Thanks for your kind words.
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